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Next time you have an argument with your partner or spouse, consider this:


About 90% of that argument has nothing to do with what you are fighting about.


Yep, that includes things like unwashed dishes, lost socks, promised but unfinished errands, multiple reminders of T.H.E. S.A.M.E. T.H.I.N.G. and even deeper topics like sex, money, emotions, and commitments. {As a matter of fact, MONEY fights are NEVER about money.}

These external (or internal) conflicts are just symptoms of a deeper underlying pattern that you are consciously or subconsciously trying to deal with. Your partner is there to help you (even though at times it appears otherwise). The strength of the struggle is nothing but an indicator of the depth of your consciousness: The stronger the struggle, the less you are paying attention to the red flags and the less conscious you are about this as an opportunity to heal. In other words, if you are going through a lot of trauma, stress and drama in your relationships (or life in general), chances are you are missing clue after clue that has been sent from above (God, Higher Source, Universe, ect) to help you out.

Every relationship goes through phases. I once heard a (long) married couple sharing: there is no such a thing in a relationship as a bad days or good days, it’s more like bad months and good months…. Not sure I agree with that…. Actually, on second thought, I am sure that I disagree… If you are going for weeks or months in your partnership feeling miserable and unhappy, you are plain not dealing with YOUR stuff.


When it comes to couples coaching and helping people “fix their marriages” my advice to follow is simple: (make sure to read till the end):

In my work with couples, we dive deep into underlying patterns (often childhood patterns) that cause disagreement, lack of connections, or repeating fights. My highest intention is to help people heal their story and their life (not just their marriage). After all, if they don’t, chances are, they will bring the same patterns in their new relationships.


In addition to tapping, I teach my clients to maintain the deep changes they’ve made during our sessions and form habits that will allow them to FIND peace and KEEP it.


Here is the quick rundown of the skills/habits I routinely practice myself and help my clients develop.




Habit #1: They practice emotional intelligence (aka commitment to non drama)

Commit to resolve conflict as quickly as humanly possible as soon as it appears. I may not be the one who preaches “never go to sleep without resolving things,” but it is my personal intention. Practice oxytocin-inducing activities (oxytocin is one of the most powerful “feel happy” hormones): exercise, hug, tap, pet a pet, play, do things you enjoy often, have sex, ect. Master feeling your feelings, tap with your partner and allow safe space for your partner to express himself.


Habit #2: They touch each other often (and have sex regularly)

Latest research shows that It takes 10 touches a day to keep relationships happy, connected, and healthy. How often do you and your partner touch each other during the day? Here Is the list of our favorites: Touch on the shoulder, kiss goodbye, “inappropriate” play in the kitchen, hugs (short and long), massage or Foot rub, ect. If you are physically able, do have sex, it’s good for your health, mood and general wellbeing. If sex with your partner does not feel good, do not sweep it under the rug. Make sure to address it, as it is (most likely) is a sign of a deeper issue.


Habit #3: They keep their agreements (aka: keep a word/give a word commitment)

Ok, a little embarrassing, but more than once when I left my shoes out in the way, I’d say, “I did not do that,” eyes on the floor, hiding behind a notebook. But joking aside, our family motto is: give a word, keep a word. Does it always happen that way? Not really, #being human. But we are quick to take responsibility for our shortcomings and we’ll apologize (often multiple times) to cure the default. If you break the promise, don’t be so hard on yourself. Apologize, and realize it’s ok to move on. If this pattern is AWFULLY repetitive, make sure to have a heartfelt conversation or get help by working with a tapping professional. I absolutely love working with couples and would love to help. Here is the link to book a free consultation with me.


Habit #4: They learn and grow together (have common dreams, grow spiritually, emotionally and physically)

The plain truth is: If you don’t grow TOGETHER, you will grow APART. Take time to talk about and nurture ( or create) your common values and dreams. Growing together spiritually, physically, and emotionally is crucial for a happy marriage. Do you feel at liberty to share your dreams? Do you feel supported and encouraged when you want to grow and expand? Does your partner feel free to share what’s on his heart without being judged, shamed or analyzed. Tapping, praying, and meditating together are also wonderful ways to connect, plus it’s oh sooo good for your soul.


Habit #5 They spend a LOT of time together (put it on your calendar)

Some sources recommend to spend as much as 2 hours/day of quality time in order to have deep meaningful connection with your partner. I don’t necessarily advocate that. In my opinion, it’s the QUALITY of time that matters over the QUANTITY. Learn to be intensely present with your partner. Here is the list of meaningful activities I recommend and teach couples: date nights, business meetings, heart talks, couple’s retreats and couple’s vacations. Needless to say they are an important part of our marriage and help me and Ernie grow even closer together.


Habit #6 They spend time apart

This is not something that you’ll hear in a classic counseling session. BUT. In a healthy relationship, time apart is as important as time together. Happy couples support each other’s separate interests, they are creative and they practice the above-mentioned oxytocin induced activities. Here are some of my fav activities with myself: artist’s date, morning pages, bike rides, bubble baths, diamond painting, and girls’ nights out. Make a list of things you love doing and practice them daily. This is a good practice for both your marriage and your heart.


Habit #7 : They practice 80/20 positive communication rule

Lately, I spoke to an amazing woman entrepreneur, she’s been married for many years and happens to mention in our chat that her husband is one of the best things that ever happened to her. She also shared that if there were one peice of advice she’d give to anyone who wants to have a lasting happy relationship, it would be very simple: say good things about your partner. The good news is that you don’t have to be positive 100% of the time. But a good rule of thumb is, what I like to call the 80/20 rule of relationships: 80% – positive interactions, 20% – everything else.

BONUS Habit #8: They practice creativity

According to a couple of my fave relationship experts: Gay and Kathy Hendricks, the most important ingredient for lasting, loving relationships is… drum roll…. creativity. When you are creative or have a creative outlet, you are the happiest, authentic and connected both with yourself and others. As I looked around, I found quite a few examples of couples who demonstrate this principle well. Make sure to practice (or explore) your creativity regularly, whether it is your full time commitment or an evening hobby, dedicate time to it regularly. If you feel blocked (or procrastinating) in that regard, I highly recommend the book by the brilliant author Julia Cameron. She wrote “The Artist’s Way” a course to discovering and recovering your creativity.


If you are just starting this journey of creating more connection in your relationships, don’t try to implement all 8 habits at once. Take one habit at a time and give it at least 30 days to practice and master it. Only then add another one. It took me years to develop them and make them a natural part of our family life. But if I can do it, so can you.


Need help with your relationships or marriage? I LOVE working with couples. I offer a 30 min complimentary consultation to answer your questions and explore whether or not we are a good fit to work together. Here is the link to apply for the FREE consultation.


Hit reply and let me know: If you have a partner, which habit resonated most with you and which are you committed to mastering and practicing as a part of your life? If you are single, which one would you like to develop first for your future soulmate?


All my love,


P.S. Do you crave more connection, depth and support with your partner? If that’s you, I’d love to talk to you. The first step to working with me is apply to a FREE no obligation 30 min consultation. It takes only minutes and gives us an opportunity to connect and get your questions answered. Even if you chose not to work with me, you’ll walk away with a helpful insight or the next step to get you unstuck. Apply for your free consultation here.

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