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You might already be sensing that what I am about to share is pretty raw… Sooo it’s not one of my usual, inspirational, motivational and unicornish blogs… My hope is some of the things I’ve learned from this experience will help you navigate your emotional journey… So here we go…
This week :
- I got sick; sore throat and all kinds of yucky symptoms, so I end up rescheduling 3 client sessions.
- Indulged in an embarrassing amount of sweets (chocolate, ice cream, you name it)
- Was NOT a very supportive partner to Ernie
- Made some flap-down-in-the-mud missteps as a mama (and step mama)
- Experienced DEEP resistance to tapping or even FEELING my feelings
- Wanted to just hide under the blankie, watch Netflix and play Soda Crush Saga (#mytuesday)
It was quite fascinating to observe how a disagreement between me and E had on Sunday grown into a semi-depressive state, which I carried around for a couple of days.
Partially it hit me so hard, because this kind of stuff is NOT typical… Normally, we are the kind of household that is committed to resolving drama pretty much as it shows up. And, honestly, we don’t even have whole lot of drama to start with…
That night we sat down and talked about what happened, shared our feelings and, it seemed like, we resolved the incident…. BUT… I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness, rejection, and this “I wanna hide away” kind of feeling…
I’ve been in that state before, and it I gotta tell you, it would show up here and there, but I’d tap on it, sleep on it, and it would disappear just as quickly. This time, not so much!
So, still feeling like a wreck, last night I told Ernie, that “I am not feeling good” and “I’d like to go to bed earlier” (total lie). And he said: “Is that true?”. I said… (sigh)… “No, I just want to be alone and avoid talking, feeling and dealing with all this emotional turbulence”. “Come, sit with me”, he said… Reluctantly I did…
We talked for a good hour or so… I did not feel like things got necessarily resolved, but his kind presence, patience and attention did make me feel better.. Gotta tell you, this husband of mine is a great listener and someone who has an ability to be intensely present.
It’s like I felt permission just be, feel and experience what was coming up in that moment… It is very healing to spend time with someone who has such depth of consciousness… Slowly but steadily I started defrosting that night….
So, if you are going through an emotional turbulence and what seems like a rollercoaster, thinking:
Nothing bad has REALLY happened, why do I feel like crap???
I hear you, sister. That’s exactly what was going on through my mind these past few days … Because the truth is, things are going pretty well all the way around, and, apart from this little incident on sunday, we’re living our dream lives.
And it wasn’t until the next morning as I jumped on my hour-long bike ride (sign of me returning home to myself) that I had few deep insights.
What I came to discover is that I was facing (at least) 3 of the BIGGEST unconscious “enemies”. They are: resistance, “unhappy anniversaries” and the famous “upper limit problem.” The worst part about them is, when they got you, they are not obvious at all, sneaky little bastards…
Each of the monsters are powerful enough to send you into an emotional hurricane of sadness, stuckness and discontent.
This week I had all 3.
Here is the breakdown:
- Resistance – is your number one enemy of growth, creativity, entrepreneurs, changes and playing big in any kind of way, type or form . This very week I was working on launching my first (in a long time) webinar: “The Easiest Way to Meet an Emotionally Available Man”.
Now, this is my life’s work: helping people find love is my life’s mission. And playing it on a bigger scale also means bigger fears. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of not being good enough. When we step up in our zone of genius, all of those dormant fears peek their ugly heads. Tapping is good for resistance. Another favorite resource of mine is “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. It’s absolutely brilliant, hilarious and oh sooo deep. I was relistening to it on my bike ride this morning. #gamechanger
Are you finding yourself resisting?
Starting a biz, getting back to dating, doing what you said you’re gonna do? Resistance has many faces: addictions (hello sugar), getting into toxic relationships, getting sick, procrastinating and even getting into accidents of all kinds and sorts.. Pay attention, start recognizing your enemies. It’s good to keep them conscious, so YOU have the power to say: NO, thank you, but NO.
- The “Unhappy Anniversaries”. If you are not familiar with one, it’s a phenomenon rather well known in the tapping world. It refers to our mind and body reliving some traumatic event that happened around this day or time years ago.
In my case: Vicky’s cancer diagnosis was on September 19th, 2015. Yep, this very day 3 years ago my 2 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia… And even though we are out of the woods, she is in remission and all is well, there is still a slight residue.. Hey… I tapped the hell out of this one at the time of the event and post the memory… It’s good to be conscious of it, and it’s good to celebrate that things worked out for her: Vicky is as healthy as can be, and all is well.
Does this one bring up any insights? Do you have a former wedding anniversary that you “celebrate” with tears? A birthday that went south or maybe a not so merry Christmas or other holiday?
It’s worth tapping on. Clear that memory, I promise it will relieve the heaviness, so you can handle the smaller if any) residue moving forward.
- The Upper limit problem (aka ULP) .Ok, I used to think this one was a totally made up one. My oh my… was I wrong… If you are not familiar with it, simply put, The ULP is a human’s internal thermostat, the inner ceiling to experiencing joy and happiness. We all have set limits on how much joy and happiness we allow ourselves to experience. Past that limit, we go back to our “normal” selves. The bad news: few people are aware that they are the biggest bottleneck to their own fulfillment. The good news: you can constantly stretch into feeling good and this is one of my favorite things to do with my clients.
Today though, I am my own best client and masterpiece. I’ve noticed that everything and I mean EVERYTHING I dreamed about a year ago is in my life. The man I love, the work I love, the townhome that is zoned to the best school in the area, so my kids can go there.
It hit me: I am totally upper limiting myself. I focused on all these tiny things that were not going right and ignored the big picture of the gorgeous lifestyle I created by design. Sigh… Tap, tap, tap.
I wonder where does an upper limit show up in your life?
As you know I am a video kinda girl, so I don’t do whole lot of writing… But it was nice and very healing to write, so thank you for reading…
I’d love to hear from you, what do you think about these “enemies?”
Did this resonated with you at all? Hit reply and let me know.
All my love,
P.S. By the way, here is the link to the free webinar on “The easiest way to meet an emotionally available partner” that got me upper limiting like crazy. Now that the ULP got cleared, I am excited and looking forward to sharing all I’ve learned on my journey to meeting “the one”. Here is the link to save your seat.
P.P.S. Just in case you missed our last 3 #datenights with Olga, here are the replays. Wondering: “What is the Date Night with Olga?”. It’s our weekly Q and A I host on Thursdays in our private FB group “Tap into Your Best Relationships”. You are welcome to join here, and I’d love to personally answer your question.